Heyward

LETTER TO SARAH, WRITTEN ON 30 JULY 2010:

I wrote the following letter to Sarah late Friday night before the next day’s action—I’d like to send it to her. For now, I’m sharing it here.
~ J. Heyward

Dear Sarah,

First…I miss you so incredibly. I’m pretty sure an hour doesn’t pass in any given day when I’m not thinking of you and Shane and feeling the very complete frustration of this unlikely entanglement, this unjust punishment you’re receiving for the truly nefarious deeds of the US you were trying to counter. It is unconscionable and becomes more outrageous each day.

Over the past year, I’ve imagined—many times—a conversation with you once you’re released from that cage. I’m often transported back to that last place where we sat together, at the top of the stairs at my house in San Francisco, when you told me you were going to Syria to live with Shane for a year, maybe more.

Sarah & her Mother Nora Hug for the First Time in Over a Year

But now, while so many of my visual memories of you are being threatened to be replaced with pictures that are recycling through the daily press, I can feel your presence as much as I ever did in person. And it is a strong, unique and unmistakable presence. It feels like commitment, honesty, perseverance, justice. This is very personal to us and political to them…politicians…and this is nothing we could’ve ever been prepared for. Your spirit and Shane’s is with me often and it is clear why we are friends and comrades; the justice we seek is very powerful, universal, transformational.

I was afraid that night you told me you were going to Syria…not afraid for your safety but afraid that I would never get to spend more time with you and talk with you more, as I suppose you had intended by inviting me to the Radical Reading Group before. And actually, there were so many invitations you extended to me that I didn’t return. You can’t imagine how regretful I am of this now. There is nothing I wouldn’t give to be sitting with you now, even in silence.

I think that you may know, I have a solitary life even in relation to my work. There’s no particular reason for this other than that I am incredibly scared and sad to know of all of the terrible things that happen in the world. Sometimes I just want to cry—actually sob and sometimes scream—until I find that rooted place in me that can move forward with confidence to fight alongside others who appear to already have the resolve and peace and vision that I have yet to earn. This is why I didn’t seem to fit into the reading group—even though you picked good books: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism, Regulating the Poor, End of Capitalism. I didn’t want to read any more theory. I wanted to get out and talk with people, talk about what was going on around us and do something about it. And so did you, I know. It’s just that somehow you manage to squeeze all of it in. I’m still catching up, can only do things one at a time.

Sarah on a Train, Shortly Before her Detention in Iran

Now you’ve often entered that solitary space where I am accustomed to stowing myself away as I try to imagine what we’re going to do to end these wars, to turn this colonialist nightmare around. So really, I think I’ve spent more time with you (however remotely) in the past year than in the past seven or eight years because I know that’s what you were doing in Syria, ending the isolation—bridging a cultural gap and providing solidarity like so many people have throughout history when the US has waged war on entire regions and millions of people. I didn’t know that when you left but I know it now.

It will be amazing if you receive this letter. Can you write back? How will I know. How can you know how much people are thinking of you? Maybe you do know somehow.

Please rest if you can, knowing that there are many of us working day and night to gain your freedom. I think you, Shane and Josh have more than 17 thousand supporters online who are following case, rooting for you. And there are literally hundreds of people who are connected to friends of yours who know your vision and purpose and are telling a true narrative of your indomitable, kind spirit. You will meet all of them soon.

A new article came out today in the Christian Science Monitor that is the best one yet, about your commitment to ending US-Israeli war and aggression and your connection, same purpose and direction as Tristan Anderson and Rachel Corrie. Shon has been working really hard to get these facts out there, and it looks like some US press is finally starting to cover your story from this perspective. We’re really trying to make sure that your work in Syria and Shane’s purpose in Iraq is supported in all of our actions and conversations.

Tomorrow is the big day. One year. Please hold on, Sarah. We still have a long way to go in life together.

Miss you so much.

Love to you, Shane and Josh.

Heyward